Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
