That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
