your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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