i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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