umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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