I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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