Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
