My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
smell my finger.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
