why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
