I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
