if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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