I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
how does that bad decision feel?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
