dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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