im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
