im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
