well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
