so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
