Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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