I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
