Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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