closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
