You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
