How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
