I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
