you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
