why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
