Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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