4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need water and some morals
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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