you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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