dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
