he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
