Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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