i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
