The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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