This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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