at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
