I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
