College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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