took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
