If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think my mom watched the whole time
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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