He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
