There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
