Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
