would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
