what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
