Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
