Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
