No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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