nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
