Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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